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5 Explanations For Why No Donald Trump Dick Pics Have Leaked Yet

How has this not happened yet? Everything I know about Donald Trump suggests that at least 20 dick pics should’ve leaked by now. From his shameless self-promotion to his propensity for making unwanted advances on women to THE FACT THAT HE’S FUCKING BRAGGED ABOUT HIS DICK IN A TELEVISED DEBATE, there should 100% be at least one snap of his winkie available to the general public. There are only a few possible explanations as to why that’s not the case, and here they are:

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Given the size of his hands, it only stands to reason that other parts of him are small as well. (At least that’s what Marco Rubio said. Don’t you guys miss the election?) Trump’s entire life seems to be one giant dick measuring contest, so if it came out that his member was incontrovertibly small, everything else in his life would fold like one of his bankrupt casinos. All of his braggadocio would be for naught because we’d know he had a teeny weeny. With that in mind it would make sense that he’d go to great lengths to keep his lil’ willy under wraps.

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Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Donald Trump has the yugest cock in the whole wide world, and the only reason he’s not show his massive hog off is that it’s just super weird looking. I mean, think about it. Why should his ding-dang-doodle be any different? I mean, since chances are his fake tan doesn’t reach that far down, it stands to reason that his peen is whatever weird ass natural skin color he has that caused him to believe orange was a preferable choice. Don’t even get me started on his pube situation. I mean, given what his head hair looks like, god only knows what his bush looks like. Even though he’s incongruously proud of everything he’s ever done, it makes sense that he wouldn’t wanna show off a weirdo dick like that.

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Unlikely as it may be, I’m willing to concede that there’s a slim chance that Donald Trump’s wiener it perfectly normal, but if that’s the case, why no dick pic? Well maybe it’s not Trump’s body that’s the problem. Maybe the problem is his mind. Would any of us really be surprised if it turned out that the Donald didn’t know how to work a camera phone? Before you answer, take a look at this picture:

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Source: gizmodo

That is a confused looking caveman right there. Based on everything we know about the Donald’s relationship to technology, it’s not that much of a stretch to think that turning a phone upside down and pressing a button is beyond his skillset.

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Honestly, this one makes the most sense to me because even if Trump’s dong is small and weird, he’s probably still think it’s the greatest dong in the whole wide world. If he can’t figure out how to snap a below-the-belt selfie, he could definitely get a guy for that. I think that Donald Trump dick pics are as common as Donald Trump twitter rants, but nobody wants to leak them because that would require admitting to the world that you had interacted with Donald Trump to the point that he sent a dick pic, and honestly who would stoop that low? Imagine being known as the person who unleashed such an image onto the world. There would be no coming back from that.

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Haha JK ya’ll. That’s clearly not it. Remember when he had those Russian ladies piss on a bed?

 

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